T h e P e n T a l k
by Seraph-Anaesthesia
Summary: I can't decide if this school is a blessing or a curse-- all I know and live by is the fact that Sasuke Uchiha is one helluva sexy beast. SasuNaru CH. 6 FINALLY!
1. If You're Missing

T h e P e n T a l k

B a n d i t - W i t h - A - B r o o m

P A R T 1

I L i k e M y C o f f e e B l a c k

Summary: This school is more like a funny farm, a loony bin! I thought I was coming here to avoid prison; this place is the exact replica. Now I'm stuck in a hell with group counseling and a really hot cellmate! AU SasuNaru

' _If you're missing_

_I will run away_

_I will build a path to you_

_If you're missing_

_I will run away_

_Because I find myself in you… '_

You ask me if this is where I thought I would end up when I was 14. I smile, and answer no. I want to say that I thought I'd end up in junior high with loving parents and good grades, a social life and a girlfriend. But I don't. You smile and push a piece of hair behind your ear. You do that when you're trying to control your temper. Your shoulders quiver under your judge robe. I find this hilarious. I must have really made you mad. You ask me if I'm paying attention. I shake my head. I hardly even noticed you were talking to me! Your smile threatens to fall at my comment. Oh well, I'm not here to make you happy. You can stop reading me my rights now, I understand.

Oh, what's this you say? Iruka? Huh? Who's he? I guess I should have been paying attention. You repeat yourself. Oh. A foster father. I guess I can handle that. You keep talking as I stare at my worn-out converse shoes. I need a new pair, these won't last that much longer. Maybe Iruka will get me some. He sounds nice. You stop talking and I look up. Is that him? That scar makes him look weird, but his eyes are nice. Warm. I think I won't mind being his foster son. If he doesn't mind being my foster dad, that is. Pretty soon we're walking out the door together. He smiled and introduces himself fully on the way out. I smile a small, quiet smile. Iruka ruffles my spiky blonde hair and says we'll be great friends. For once, I believe him.

I like this new foster father. I can adapt to this. I slip my portable CD player out of my black Fox hoodie, and attach the headphones to my ears. Iruka says nothing on our way to… I forgot to ask where exactly we're going. But that's okay. I manage two whole songs before I notice the car stopping. We're parked out in front of the mall. I turn to 'dad.' Why are we here? A smile slips onto his face. We're going to buy me some new clothes. Wow, he's generous. But I'm still confused… Didn't they just ship my old stuff to your house? I find myself asking. Boarding school? Why? I thought I'd be living with you! Iruka frowns. Hmm… Boarding school or prison. Iruka tells me that they were the only options. While I'm at this Kurohoshii Boarding School for Troublesome Boys, he'll still be my legal guardian, though.

Troublesome boys? I'm not troublesome. I'm just…odd. I guess it's better than having a cellmate and eating gruel for dinner. Iruka makes this place out to be nice. For once, I listen to him intently. I have a roommate? Who? Sasuke Uchiha? What a weird name. That's all they'd tell you? Stingy bastards. Iruka shrugs sheepishly but keeps smiling. I wish I could smile all the time. But I think that switch farted out a long time ago when I hit puberty. And seventeen is such a typical age to go through phases. How do I know that my actions weren't just part of one of those phases? If they were, then this is one hell of a phase. Maybe next year I'll turn old school and go streaking in the neighborhood at two in the morning.

I guess I'll just meet… Oh, what's his name again? Sasuke Uchiha, Iruka tells me. We're already up and walking into the mall. I ask for a pen. Iruka hands me a blue one. I have such a bad memory. Maybe I'm older than I look. Heh. I scribble the name down on my hand. Wow, I've really gotten tan. And my palms are really rough. No girl would ever want to hold my hand. Not only am I short and scrawny, I've got hands like sandpaper. I must have drowned in the shallow end of the gene pool. I'd probably drown in any pool. Even with floaties. Where was I again?

I ask Iruka if we can go into Hot Topic. He smiles and nods his head. I guess I don't really mind his presence. It feels a tad bit like I'm being baby-sat though.

We walk into the store. I immediately spot a couple of things that I like. Unlike other guys, I have a superb fashion sense. But you would never catch me saying that out loud. I turn to Iruka. Is there a price range? He shakes his head. Wow. This guy really is generous. I smile my small smile again, because I'm afraid that anything larger will hurt my split lip. I think he understands. I grab a couple T-shirts, mostly orange, black, and red; a white wife-beater; and two pairs of black jeans.

Iruka tells me that these will be my free-time clothes. I guess he understands my confused look. He explains. During the day, I have three classes and one period for group counseling. Gee, sounds fun. Breakfast is at eight o'clock, and then I have a class until lunch, which is at 12:05 sharp. After that I have a class at 1:10; another at 4:10; then, at last, my counseling period at 7:10. Dinner is served in the cafeteria at 8, and it is mandatory, except on weekends. On weekends, I have the choice of whether I'd like cup noodles in my room, or nasty cafeteria food. How lovely. I can do whatever I want between these classes, and classes are only four days a week. The rest is free time. Curfew is at ten o'clock, which sucks. I can understand it though, with a bunch psycho kids running around. Someone has to keep them in line and out of trouble. But for basically most of the day, it's a uniform for me.

I nod when he's done explaining, it seems like the right thing to do. I ask when I leave. Might as well get it over with, right? Iruka lets out a low, "Tomorrow." I blink. That quickly? I shrug as Iruka pays for my clothes. I say thank you, but I don't know if he hears me or not. What about the uniform? Oh, he has it at his house. Now I can only pray that it isn't green. And spandex. I had a friend named Lee once who wore a uniform like that. But it was for the gymnastics team, after all. That kid was weird, but nice… I can't image how ironic would be if I saw him at this school for troublesome boys. Nah… Lee was a good kid, from what I remember about him. I doubt any of my 'friends' will be there. Ever since mom and dad were murdered, I haven't had much time to make friends. Always on the run. I clench my fist. Iruka notices.

What's wrong, he asks. Everything, I want to say. But I don't. And that's my problem, I suppose. I'm always pursing my lips and narrating myself, as if what I do is important. Like every action counts. Ever since I was little, I've written this big long story inside of my head. I blink at my thoughts. Well this feels weird. Thinking about my thinking? I know there's a word for that. Heh. Maybe someday, when I grow old, I'll do a data dump. Record everything into a book and give it to the one I love. Ah, Ned Vizzini is a genius. There I go again. I lose track easily. Maybe if I quit writing this book, I can quit listening to myself. I don't exactly have the best ideas. This is probably why I ended up in a courtroom anyway.

I'm surprised. This is a little bit deep, even for me. Iruka is walking slowly to the car again, probably so I can catch up. When I get deep, I get slow, too. I quicken my pace and reach the car before Iruka does anyway. I wish I could tell this to someone. Everything that I'm thinking right now. I wish I could tell someone, anyone. Let all of these thoughts go. I read in a book once that talking to a friend should be like thinking aloud. Maybe at this school, maybe I'll meet someone like that. Someone who will care that I watch the cooking channel on a stolen TV, even though I can't cook at all, or how I love the rain. Maybe it's better this way. After all, before I could hardly afford rent anyway. The only things I could pay for were those instant cups of ramen noodles. But they were pretty damn good, anyhow.

Oh shoot, we're already here and I didn't have anytime to listen to my headphones. It's a nice looking two-story house, with red brick and blue shutters. It's not tacky, but homey. I wonder if Iruka lives alone. We walk in, with me carrying two bags of clothes. The inside is nice, beige walls and deep blue carpeting and I think I see some tile in the bathroom on my right, and the kitchen in front of me. I haven't been in a place this warm since I was child. My apartment's heater was always broken, anyway. I sigh. I wish I could stay here. Have a dad, be a part of a real family. Iruka brings me into a room with the walls painted a light blue with the same deep blue carpeting, and white woodwork on the edges and door. There's an oak desk that looks like its seen better days, a comfy looking bed and a dresser full of drawers with a mirror.

Iruka tells me that this will be my room for tonight. He walks over to the bed and reaches under, pulling out a very large suitcase. He then walks over to the dresser and opens the top drawer on the right, pulling out my uniform and some other stuff. The uniform's black, a good color on me. You can put your clothes, uniform, and other stuff that they sent over in here. If there's anything that you don't have, just tell me, he says. I smile again, and say thank you. This time he hears me. He smiles back and leaves the room, closing the door behind him. I put my clothes, toothpaste, toothbrush, hair brush, gel, deodorant, pajamas, underwear, and everything else in the suitcase. I take off my clothes, and slip on the uniform. I move to stand in front of the full-length mirror in the corner of the room.

How…boring. A traditional white button-up long-sleeved shirt under a black blazer with a black tie. I smirk and walk to the suitcase. I pull out my orange tie and exchange it with the black one. There, perfect. Simple black slacks and black combat boots look good on me. I think this uniform suits me. I remove it, and I'm glad it fits. I throw my normal clothes back on, and dig into the warmth of my hoodie. I wish I didn't have to leave tomorrow. I glance at my watch. It's already ten thirty. Good thing I ate before I had my court meeting. I sit on the bed. It's comfier than it looks. I pull out my worn headphones and slide them on, the peaceful music of Dashboard Confessional humming in my ears. I close my eyes.

T h e P e n T a l k

P A R T 1

I L i k e M y C o f f e e B l a c k

I grimace as warm sunlight pours into my eyes from the window. I roll over. Oh, I left my clothes on. Like I said, I have a bad memory. I must have forgotten to put my pajamas on. Silly Naruto. I run my hand through my messy blonde hair. I need to take a shower. I hope Iruka doesn't mind, I mutter to myself. The door opens to my room as I jump at Iruka's voice. You won't mind? Thanks! I really need a shower. I get up and follow Iruka to the bathroom. He shows me to the towels and everything. He smiles at me before closing the door. Oh yeah. I'm leaving today.

I turn on the shower and wait for the water to warm up. I take off my clothes and shower quickly, scrubbing strawberry shampoo into my scalp. I dry off and put on the clothes I brought with me. Not the nicest ones, but I'll be okay. I look down. A tight black Nirvana shirt and ripped jeans. I rub my hair dry. I smirk. My hair is awesome like that. All I have to do is towel it and it looks perfect. I grin at myself in the mirror, my black eye and split lip haven't healed yet, but I look good. I mutter a 'Hey Foxy,' as I leave the bathroom. What time is it? I meander back to my own room. Do we have a time limit to be at the school? Do I have any orientation? Probably not, since the school year's already started… Ugh. Iruka said that the school was a high school type of thing, except that it doesn't hold freshmen or sophomore. I guess they only supply counseling for those who are almost out of their hair.

Iruka comes into the room, bright and cheery. I wonder how old he is. But it'd be impolite to ask. But I'm Naruto Uzumaki, the King of Impoliteness. Iruka, how old are you? Wow, you're only 22! That surprises me. I mean, he doesn't look old or anything, but he just has an air of maturity. Must come from his job, being a schoolteacher and all. You've gotta have guts to have a job like that. I'm seventeen and a junior this year…He must have been in school early or something. I don't know. Now I'm confusing myself. Oh, Iruka is talking again… Ready? Me? Hell yeah! I was born ready, Iruka.

This may seem kind of weird, but I have an odd love for long car rides. I just love sitting there, staring out the window and seeing things I've never seen before and hearing the music in my headphones. It just gives me a sense of security, you know? Before mom and dad were murdered, they used to tell me stories about when I was a baby. Whenever I was having a tantrum or spazzed out, one of them would take me on a car ride until I calmed down. Maybe it's a psychological thing. Whoops! Wow, this is it? This is Kurohoshii Boarding School for Troublesome Boys? It almost looks… normal.

Iruka offers to walk me in, but I smile my small smile and shake my head. All the paper work is filled out and I've caused this guy enough trouble. He writes his phone number on a post-it and hands it to me. I look up at him. If you ever need money or anything, he says. I say thank you. He really is a good guy. Even though I've only known him for a day or so, he's a good father figure. I'm lucky. Iruka gets into his car and pulls out of the parking lot, and he waves. I wave back. Now what? Right! I turn toward the front building and walk up the many steps. I open a door, and smack dab, there's the office. Opening the glass door gently and quietly, a secretary spots me. Oh my god, Becky, LOOK at her butt. Well, not really. But man, is this lady ugly! I want to tell her to get plastic surgery. But I don't.

I nearly snicker at her as she gives me the blandest glare I have ever seen. Name? Naruto Uzumaki. I'm here to get my schedule and dorm number. It's a Saturday, so I guess everyone has free day. They must all be out or in their dorms. I didn't see anyone in the hallway. The lady gives me an ugly stare and hands me a sheet of paper, a key, and a post-it with a number on it. I wonder if I should ask her for the directions to dorm…#307. But I don't. That lady already looks like she's got enough problems on her face. I mean hands.

So I'm left to wander around the entire building on my own. With no clue whatsoever as to where my dorm is. So, I'm stalling. I walk around the entire school, checking out each classroom to match my schedule. But first, the Cafeteria! Damn. It's not very big. Probably because only two grades are held here… Oh well, onto my first classroom. Class one covers English and Literature. Number two covers Algebra, Calculus, Science, and Biology. Class number three educates me on History, Health, and Family Living. I frown. Family Living? What in the seven! I wonder if someone forgot to mention that this is an all-boys school. Ohhh. I notice the note printed neatly at the bottom of my schedule. It says… All boys with Class 3-H, Family Living, will take this course with one of the female volunteers from the public school Kurohoshii Public High school across the road. Oh well, that works.

Okay, so I'm ready to check 6-N, my maths and sciences classroom. I move slowly down the corridor, counting the number next to each room. 12-N, 8-N, 3-N… I backtrack. There! Classroom 6-N with Miss Kurenai. I then notice that most teachers here are called by their first names… That's cool. Even the counselor is called by his first name. I'm still looking at my schedule as I open the door to the large room. The room is humongous, split into two different areas. One side has normal desks and a chalkboard, the other has vials everywhere and lab tables. I yelp as a vial breaks across the room. Then I see you. Were you the one who broke that? You nod. Why? Oh, I'm sorry I startled you. Wow, you're really pale. I stroll over to where you are. I like your green eyes, I say. You turn almost the same color as you're your hair. I laugh lightly, smiling big despite my split lip.

I'm new here, I say. My name is Naruto Uzumaki. I'm here because I… I bite my lip. I want to tell you, because you look nice and threatening and open. But I don't. You might think that I'm weird. Gaara. Gaara? I like that name. It suits you. You don't smile, but your eyes glow a little. Need some help, you ask. I nod. I need to find dorm number 307, is all that I say. You nod…I guess I should say Gaara now that I know your name. Gaara nods firmly and gets up from his desk. What he was toying with in the bio part of the room, I'll never know. Gaara walks slow for me, waiting for me to stop daydreaming and climb the stairs. The sounds of my combat boots hitting each step are the only sounds in the hallway. Gaara stops at a door that isn't marked three zero seven, but instead one twenty six. Is my face that easy to read? You sense confusion.

This is my dorm, you say. I want you to come here sometime. You and I will be close, Gaara says firmly. I nod. You're a little odd, aren't you? I can't keep myself from asking. One thing about Naruto Uzumaki is that he can never keep his big mouth shut. Gaara smirks at me, leading me up another set of steps, then another. We finally reach the three hundreds, and Gaara takes me to a black door. The only black door of all of the dorms, he says. He smirks a tiny smirk. I tell him my thanks and wave. He wanders off. Oh! I forgot that I have a roommate. Heh. I wonder… Is he here right now? Or is he gone… I put my ear to the Black Door, which requires capital letters (in my opinion), and listen. Hm. I don't hear anything at all. But these doors are awfully thick.

I put my sandpaper hand on the doorknob, and put my key in it, twisting it. It's still locked! I should have known that stupid lady would give me a faulty key. I growl low to myself. How do I get in now! …I must have gotten even more stupid on the walk up here. I'm Naruto Uzumaki, Lock Pick of the Century. There's no lock that I can't break into. Gee, I must be getting pretty old if I can't even recall my own mad skills. I cackle loudly to myself, searching the pockets of my open camo jacket for my 'supplies.' I grab the tiny utensil. I crouch down to eye-level with the evil knob. This takes careful concentration… I jam the stick into the lock ungracefully. I don't have the time for concentration.

I listen for the click. Aha! Finally, something goes right. I pick up my suitcase that I laid by the door, and turn the knob. WOAH! Is that my roommate! Sasuke Uchibutt! Now THAT is an eyeful. Oh my god, oh my god…Now that is an image I can appreciate. Pale skin, dark hair and eyes, and water dripping off him as he holds the towel around his waist. Holy shi-at. Well, well, well, this complicates things. I'm stuck in a boarding school that resembles hell and my cellmate is a pretty boy. And DAMN, believe me when I say pretty. 'Pretty?' Sasuke asks. I blink. OOPS. 'I did NOT just say that out loud,' I whisper out meekly. Why is my throat closing up! I can't breathe! 'I think you did…,' the hot boy taunts. Smug bastard.

I look up at him, seemingly lost in those dark eyes… They hold superior amusement and somehow… What the hell? He's pointing to my face. What! I puff out irritably. He just smirks wider, and points again. What are you pointing at! Oh. OH. I'm having a nosebleed.

Well, at least I didn't faint this time.

Strike that thought.

And the floor (Such a kind and thoughtful floor!) rises up to meet me on my way down.

Authors Note: Just trying something new. I'll continue if I get at least 10 reviews this month. Or at least until February. Hell, even if I don't, I'll probably continue. I wanted to try out a new type of writing. Does it suck? I thought it'd be a cool plot. Naruto goes to a delinquent school to avoid jail and his roommate's a sourpuss and a hottie. (shrugs) You'll find out what everyone did soon. I tried my hand at doing present tense. I might go back and forth on every other chapter with present tense and narrators POV. I don't know. Please read and review! I love you all!


	2. Bedroom Behavior

T h e P e n T a l k

B a n d i t - W i t h - A - B r o o m

P A R T 2

W h i t e O u t

Summary: This school is more like a funny farm, a loony bin! I thought I was coming here to avoid prison; this place is the exact replica. Now I'm stuck in a hell with group counseling and a really hot cellmate! AU SasuNaru

'_Your bedroom behavior_

_Was never more than checkmarks on bed posts_

_The more I remember we never had_

_You get me out of the rain; you get me out of my clothes_

_Hope I don't make a sound, you hope that nobody knows_

_So suck your so-called pity down_

_Hey, that's not so bad is it?_

_So take your cold, cold heart and drown_

_And don't forget to take deep breaths…'_

I twitch my nose out of instinct. What the heck…? Cracking my eyes open slowly, I look around. Where am I? I reach my hand up to my nose, which feels wet and disgusting. Red. Hmm. That doesn't tell me much… Oh my God, it's blood! …I'm still not recalling anything. I sit up, after finally realizing that I was laying down the whole time. Ooh! Comfy bed.. I bounce a little on my butt, and then lie back down. Now this is the life. Besides the horrid bloody nose, that is. I close my eyes for a brief second and take a deep breath. I sit up once more; run my hand through my spiky golden hair. Where the hell am I? Look around... Hey! That bag looks familiar. Geez, no duh! God Naruto, you're stupid… I mumble to myself. No wonder it looks familiar, it's MY bag! I get up, and I am relieved to find that I am still in my clothes and there are no beer bottles strewn about the black carpeting.

Wait… Black. Black hair! Pale, smooth skin… Well-toned lithe body… Mm. Aha! Sasuke Uchiha! That stupid… I grumble. Looking around, I finally get a closer look at the inside of my dorm. I mean our dorm. White walls, black carpeting. There's only one bed in this room. I thought we ordered a room with one bedroom and TWO twin beds! I'm panicking. This is not good. What if I have to sleep in the same bed as that arrogant son-of-a… Oh, Sasuke! Hi! I smile as politely as I can, which is not very politely because of my split lip. I guess I'll have to make at least a small effort to get along with this guy. After all, we'll be roomies for quite a while. He's raising an eyebrow at me. Why the hell is he raising an eyebrow at me! Oh. OH. My former nosebleed. I speed out of the room past him without even a glance in his direction. I search frantically for the bathroom. There! I grab a tissue and run the cold water. The blood comes off pretty easily. Phew, I look normal.

I glance out of the bathroom door for Sasuke, looking back and forth.

No sign of him.

I smirk. Grabbing some water, I quickly begin to fix my hair. Spiking it up all around my head, I let my messy bangs fall into my eyes in a way that I know makes me look cute and innocent. Well, if I'm going to have a hot roommate… I might as well milk it for all it's worth! Ooh, the image of him in just a towel… I scold myself. I've only been here for… How long WAS I out for? After making sure that my appearance is satisfactory, I meander out of the bathroom, taking in the rest of the tiny dorm. It seems that they're a lot nicer than college dorms. We have a tiny kitchenette, which is for snacks and stuff, I suppose. I mean, breakfast, lunch, and dinner aren't going to be enough to fill ME up. I have a stomach like a bottomless pit. We have one bathroom with a bath/shower and a couch and TV, near the kitchen. Kinda like a living room, I guess. Then I notice it. There really is only one bedroom. With one tiny, beautiful, full-size bed.

God… must hate me.

I groan. A snort is heard from behind me. Eep! Sasuke smirks at the tiny sound. I blush lightly; which is uncharacteristic for me… Oh. He looks _good_ in that. A black long-sleeved tight-fitted turtleneck and blue jeans… Mm. I scold myself. I've only seen the guy in two three-second intervals and I'm already having dirty thoughts about him. Oops. I guess he noticed me staring, by the odd look on his face. I walk straight up to him, our bodies only about a foot apart. Heh, I may be no snake charmer… But I am a charmer! I cock my head to the side like a puppy, a slow and innocent tone of voice leaving my mouth. Naruto… Uzumaki. Huh? Did his eyes just glint? I blink at him. Yeeep. His black eyes… Do I detect a challenge? He leans closer to me, a sultry tilt of his lips and the SEXIEST voice I have ever heard mutters a low 'Sasuke Uchiha, at your service.'

Holy crap. Did I just eep again? Fine! You win! I give up. What can I say? There's no way in hell I can resist a voice like that! He steps back and now I'm cold. Colder than I should be. Wow, for such an icy bastard, that Sasuke sure does radiate a lot of body heat. The bridge of my nose is pink and I can feel it. I guess I'm still not tan enough! Stupid blush, it shows up no matter what color I am! I grumble mentally. Oh! I forgot about my question. 'Sasuke, why is there only one bed?' His face looks annoyed. Uh oh. But I didn't DO anything. What the hell is his problem! 'The man I was contacting about the dormsgave us one instead of two, the fool. I personally asked for two beds and a fold-out couch… We have neither, and only one full size bed and a normal couch. So I had him fired." Oh. Damn.

Yep, this is Hell. It MUST be.

There's no way I can sleep in the same bed as this guy! I'll have bad dreams! Ehehe… or maybe good dreams. But that's not the point! 'So… we'll have to sleep… together?' What the hell? Naruto Uzumaki is NOT timid, let alone SHY. Sasuke nods and smirks. 'Why? Are you scared?' I huff. '

No! I just met you, that's all! I don't wanna wake up next to your ugly-ass body! (So who cares if that made no sense!)

His eyes take on an amused glint. 'Really? I never would have guessed by the way you stared at my 'ugly-ass body' when you first walked in.'

Oh. Touché.

I blush again. What the hell is up with all of this blushing! Dammit. What am I DOING! Oh yeah, I know… I'm sitting in my new dorm and I'm already having a flirt fest with my roommate. What's wrong with me? Aren't I supposed to have at least one ounce of dignity? For all I know, this guy could be as straight as a ruler and just toying with me… Does he even know I'm gay? I turn away from Sasuke. I raise my hand to my mouth, biting my thumbnail. I can feel his gaze quite near burning a hole in the back of my neck. Oh well. I walk further into the bedroom, and slam the door in his face. Yep. That takes care of him. I brush my hands off as if finishing a dusty job. Now… To find something to do with myself! I eye my suitcase critically, then the two dressers on both sides of the room. Since I'm definitely going to sleep on the right side of the bed, I pick the right dresser. Heaving my heavy suitcase (Damn, Iruka really knows how to pick his luggage!) onto the blue-bedspread, I open it. The rest of day, as exciting as it is, goes pretty quick.

And let me say, my stomach gets pretty loud.

T h e P e n T a l k

P A R T 2

W h i t e O u t

You know, it's days like these that I find myself similar to an old man. I'm always lazing around and complaining about aching joints. And now, once again, I'm expressing another elderly trait… The love of my 'Quiet Time.' I'm sprawled out on my back, and finding this bed too comfy to be comfortable. Why is life so unfair? I'm born, and everything goes okay for a while… Then mom and dad are murdered, but I'm not too torn up about that… I've cried enough. At least I'm TRYING to pick up the pieces of my old life, right? I'm just not doing it in a very constructive manner. Then, soon after their deaths… Poof! I'm gay. What else is new? I think I subconsciously knew around the age of ten, though. The boys at my school wanted to play sports and I wanted to sunbathe.I endedup getting hit in the face with a football.Ah, the feeling of nostalgia.

A loud growl alerts me. What the heck? Oh. My stomach. I sigh and roll off the bed, landing with a thump. Stupid hunger. I should have known. I slowly pick myself off of the floor, wondering what Sasuke's doing. I check my watch. It's nearly 8! Damn. What are we supposed to eat? Should I go to the cafeteria? Dinner is optional down there… But I don't know where I'd go to get food anywhere else. But I don't KNOW anyone down there… I blink, and then smack myself. Yes. I know Gaara. Remember Gaara, Naruto? You met him only a couple of hours ago? ...See what I mean by the whole 'Old Man' theory...? I sigh. I open the door and walk into the living room. Aha! There's my prey… Nah. I'm just kidding. He looks up at me. Yes? Oh! Did I need something? Well, I was just wondering… Are you doing down for dinner, or eating up here? He blinks. 'Going down.' That's great! Me too. Wanna walk together?

'You coming, dobe?'

Eep! How the hell did he do that so fast! One minute he's at the couch, the next he's at the door! Hm. This changes everything. I might need a little work on my stealth skills around this guy… He seems like a hard nut to crack. And now he's calling me names! Oh, I'll show this guy whose boss! Stupid teme… I grumble to myself. I pace over to where he is, a frown on my face. He smirks. Don't call me a dobe! 'Alright, baka.' Geez! Who does this guy think he is, talking smack! …Okay, I'll admit that that sounded a little dumb. I follow Sasuke out the door… The stupid bastard.

I wonder if someone was on drugs when they built this stupid school… There's so many stairs! Wouldn't it be so much easier if someone just took the plunge and installed an elevator? At least I'll keep my fabulous form with all of this walking… Hm. My thoughts drift back to Sasuke. Man, he was… I shiver. Sasuke looks back from a step or two in front of me. 'What's the matter with you?' Who? Me? Nothing! Just a little chilly, that's all. And why does he look unconvinced? I'm good at this lying stuff! Okay, so maybe not… But I can pretend, can't I? Geez, the guy could just leave me alone! …Where was I again? I seem to have lost track in the midst of all my rambling.. Heh.

WOAH. How come the cafeteria didn't look this big earlier? Maybe that's because now it's filled with hoards of people… But that's odd, because I still see some chairs empty. Sasuke nods at me, and says that we can sit there. I nod back, giving him a small smile. Maybe he isn't so bad after all. I walk up to the line behind Sasuke, grabbing a tray. Wow! I'm surprised. The food actually looks good here. I grab a salad (Yes, I know I'm a dork… But they didn't have ramen!) and a plastic bottle of milk. I spot some vanilla cookies, and grab the last pack before anyone else can. Yes! I thought they stopped making these… I glance over at Sasuke, and eye his tray suspiciously… Fries? And nacho cheese? What the hell is he going to do with fries and nacho cheese? Then… I see it. The mother of all sports drinks. The… Gatorade! Geez. Thank God I loathe Gatorade. I wonder how Sasuke can stand it…

We pull out of line after paying, and head for an empty booth. I take the right side, Sasuke takes the left. Hm. He dove for the left side before I even considered it. I guess it's just instinct, but that's good… If he picks the left side on a booth, then no doubt he'll pick the left side of the bed. Yep! No arguments about sleeping arrangements for me! Okay, now to stop psychoanalyzing things. People might think I'm actually...crazy, or something. I grin as I watch him pluck a french-fry out of the carton and pop it into his mouth. I open my salad container, and dig in when… Bright red hair. Pale green eyes. Lots and lots of... eyeliner? Well, that's new.'Love' tattoo… Why in the hell does this guy look so familiar?

Oh. OH.

Duh.

Well, I am officially the stupidest seventeen year old known to mankind.

But… What's he doing in front of our table? No matter! 'Hi Gaara, what's up?' I'm enthusiastic, as usual. This guy was the first "friend" I made here, before I even "met" Sasuke. Something just compels me toward him, I guess. I hope that we can be close, like Gaara said earlier. He seems pretty damn spiffy, is you ask me. But not too conversational… All he does is mutter a quick 'hello' at my greeting. But he was so nice earlier! I look at Sasuke. Oh. Well, this isn't good. Gaara and Sasuke glare at each other, but Sasuke speaks to me first. Naruto, how do you know Gaara? Sasuke turns his glare on me full force, as Gaara slides in right next to me. 'He and I met earlier, while I was checking out my classrooms... Why? Do you have a _problem_ with Gaara?' Uh oh. The glare has been switched from 'I'm-going-to-CREMATE-you deadly glare' to 'I'm-going-to-dismember-you-THEN-cremate-you deadly glare.'

'As a matter of fact, yes, I do have a problem with Gaara. Tanuki, why don't you do me a favor and remove yourself from my presence?' He did not just say that. Why would he say that? Does Sasuke hold some kind of grudge against Gaara? This makes me even more curious. I cock my head the side, my spiky hair brushing Gaara's cheek. He smirks at Sasuke and slides closer to me. 'Well then. If you have a problem with Gaara, then you've got a problem with me. He was the first person I met here today, and he's nice! So there!' I stick my tongue out at Sasuke. He growls deep in his throat. Why isn't Gaara sticking up for himself? No one should be treated like a dog, much less a raccoon dog.

'Why, Uchiha? Afraid I might take something that's yours? I think that you're in no position to be staking claim to anything _this_ early in the game…' Did he just say what I think he said? This is getting a little out of hand! First Sasuke starts mouthing off, and now Gaara's acting all weird… What the heck is wrong with this place? This school is more like a funny farm, a loony bin! I thought I was coming here to avoid prison; this place is the exact replica. Now I'm stuck in a hell with group counseling and a really hot cellmate! Just my luck. My roommate's wacko, my new friend is really a stalker, and… Why hello, Vanilla Cookies. I had almost forgotten about you! I drone out of Gaara and Sasuke's useless bickering and immerse myself in vanilla goodness. Geez, most of their fighting is just glaring!

I let out a pleased sigh. Yep. Good cookies. I smile contentedly, both Gaara and Sasuke looking at me funny. Gaara gets ready to leave the table, and I notice the fight is over. He inclines his head toward me, a small gesture of goodbye. I grin up at him, and let my sandpaper hand brush across his 'ai' tattoo. He turns the same shade as his hair. Bye Gaara! He stands up, walking away from our table and out of the cafeteria. Hm. Was that a SMILE, perhaps? Or was it just a smirk? I don't know… But whatever it was... it looks good on Gaara. I smirk mentally. Now, to deal with Sasuke. And discover more ways to make Gaara make that face again. (Do I sense innuendo in this statement? Of course not!)

Well, I see that we're back to stage one. God, does Sasuke even know how penetrating his glare is? I feel like he's looking at my...I don't know! Soul, or something...I stick my tongue out at him once again. 'What?' Oh. Waaait, WHAT? Don't hang out with Gaara? Listen here, you bastard, Gaara is my FRIEND. Just because you don't like him, doesn't give you any right to tell ME not to hang out with him! That's not fair! …Dangerous? Gaara? But he doesn't look dangerous… Oh well! Sasuke, dangerous or not, Gaara is still my friend! He's nice to me and I will damn well hang out with him whenever I want to. I just met you, for Elmo's sake! What makes you think you can tell me what to do, hmm? That's it, I'm out of here.

I grab my tray, wanting to make a quick getaway. Sasuke grabs my wrist in a firm grip. Just worried? Why? Because I'm weak? You're worried I'll get hurt because I'm _weak_? Stupid teme! Just leave me alone… I stalk off, tray in hand. I dump the contents. I sigh. What do I do now? Is Gaara really that dangerous? But he was nice to me… I don't believe Sasuke. He's just a bully, anyway. Honestly! People call me childish, well, look at him! The guy is practically all glares and creepy smirks. He's only known me for a while. We didn't even talk that much. And he's already looking out for me? This has got to be a prank. Well, you know what? I don't need a babysitter! I'm fine! I meander down the hallway to my dorm after climbing the wretched stairs, my loud boots squeaking on the cheap white tile. I don't need…

WOAH! Hey! What are you doing! Get off of me! I try to move my arms to pry the person off, but nothing works. They're too strong, fuckit! The person slams me head-first into the wall. Why isn't anyone seeing this? Where's Sasuke? Nngh! Help! SOMEBODY! Where the hell is everyone! There's gotta be someone on this level! What the hell is going on! Sasuke! A cloth is pulled over my mouth. I try in vain to spit it out, but nothing works! Nothing! What are you--!

And everything goes dark.

Author's Note: Dun Dun Dun. Sorry for the cliffhanger! If I get enough reviews quick enough, I MIGHT update SOON… But it depends on how many reviews I get! So do me a favor, and click the little button!

GASP!

What will happen to Naruto!

Will Sasuke save him!

If not, then who will!

Will anyone!

Who is behind this!

Find out next time on…

T h e P e n T a l k !

By Bandit-With-A-Broom/ SeraphAnaesthesia!


	3. Let Me Carry You

T h e P e n T a l k

B a n d i t - W i t h - A - B r o o m

P A R T 3

R o o t s O f A F o x g l o v e

Summary: This school is more like a funny farm, a loony bin! I thought I was coming here to avoid prison; this place is the exact replica. Now I'm stuck in a hell with group counseling and a really hot cellmate! AU SasuNaru

_'You're thinking that's the price you pay_

_For waking up a little late_

_I got a chance and danced away_

_I'm sick of trying to find a way_

_And running out of words to say_

_I got twenty years to pass away…_

_"I know, my son, let me carry you."'_

Humming. That's the first thing I notice, before I even open my eyes. Who's humming? I don't open them, because I am scared to know. I twitch my fingers. Yep, still working. I try and move a toe, but that's a little bit harder. Oh well. I was never able to move my toe anyway. Okay, Naruto, you know what to do! You've been in enough gang fights to know what to check first. Hm… I move my energy to each part of my body, trying to see if anything aches. Only my head. I'm lucky, I guess. They could have dismembered me in my sleep, but that'd be pretty cruel… And pretty messy. Geez, there I go again, getting carried away with a different train of thought. I must have some sort of disorder, like ADD or Farting of the Brain… Maybe I'll ask Gaara, he knows about science and such. My mind drifts back to earlier. The smile that he gave me. Or was it a smirk? It was… a SMIRKLE! Oh My God. I have been captured by some freaking psychopath and I can't move my toe (Which really holds no relevance in this situation.) and here I am thinking about Gaara's facial expressions.

You've really reached a new low, Uzumaki.

Well, no better time than the present, I suppose. I sit up quickly. Ohh, bad move. Every ounce of blood rushes from my head and I just sit here with my eyes closed for a minute until I can regain my "composure." (Whatever the crap THAT means!) I blink slowly, figuring it's best to go at a turtle pace so I don't hurt myself even more, which I have an uncanny knack for doing. I open my eyes and HOLY SHIT THAT'S EFFING CREEPY. I scramble backwards until my back hits a wall. Okay. So let's assess the situation now, since I was too busy to think about it earlier... Yeah, right. I am in a small room, with bright fluorescent lights and a vent in one corner. There is a tall and quite scary man looking down at me with red eyes. Like a rat. Or a hermit crab. Um, never mind. But yes! Okay. Back to my Creepy Man rant. He's… He's… Smiling. Which kind of reminds me of Samara holding a daisy. Terrifying, isn't it? I wave hello to the Creepy Man in front of me, which has to be the stupidest move that I could ever possibly make. 'Hello Creepy Man!' And then I do myself a favor and speak to It. Correction… THAT was the absolute stupidest I could have ever possibly done.

He just kind of smirks at me, showing off his perfectly white teeth. Now that I think about it… He looks kind of like Sasuke. Except not as sexy. Maybe this will be explained... Woah! He's wearing black nail polish! I want some. Ooh, maybe some handcuffs, too. Think Sasuke would like that? He seems like the kind to be into light bondage… I ponder for a minute on the possibilities of me, Sasuke, our bedroom, a pair of handcuffs and some whipped cream. Okay, I'm done. And now I'm pretty sure that I'm drooling all over myself and that COULD explain why Creepy Man is staring at me funny. I shake my head, and put on a serious face. At least, as serious a face as someone who still eats Trix can put on. 'Why am I here!' He stopped smiling. That's not good. He's pulling something out… Oh, it's a picture of Sasuke! That clearly explains everything! I frown. I… still don't get it. 'Um… Your point is…?' Creepy Man looks about ready to eat me. Without BBQ. I shudder. That's horrible. Who could possibly stand human flesh without BBQ sauce?  
Please, please, don't answer that. I don't even know where it came from!

"This, Naruto Uzumaki, is your roommate and my little brother." Oh. I knew that. I scratch the back of my neck, run my hand through my hair, blink repeatedly, and sing Twinkle Twinkle little Star once through mentally before speaking. 'Okay… And I care because…?' Oops. I didn't mean to sound that snotty. Now he's probably going to rape me and then chop me up into tiny little pieces. How delightful. I shiver. It's damn cold down here. Have they heard of such a thing as heating? But then again, this room looks pretty nasty and concrete… We're probably… 'In the basement.' Sometimes I accidentally kind of speak out loud. Creepy Man smirks at me. "Yes, we are. And that door over there? It's locked, and only I have the key." I smile nervously. 'And I don't suppose that you're going to give it to me?' Creepy Man shakes his big head with perfectly white teeth. "Not until we're done chatting, Uzumaki." What the hell is he doing! I cough wildly as he pins me to the back wall by a hand around my throat, slowly squeezing. Can't breathe--! 'L-let go!' His grip loosens so I can gasp in some air. He doesn't remove the hand. 'What the hell do you want!' I hear screaming. Loud, howling, screaming. It's only seconds afterwards, as he tightens his grip again, that I realize the sound is coming from me.

I stop, and he glares at me. His eyes are giving me the willies. I shiver. He smiles. Remember the Samara-holding-a-daisy thing? Well, this is much worse. This is like… Samara-petting-a-baby-kitten. "I would just like to advise you, Uzumaki… Stay away from my little brother. I have plans for him, and I don't need some stupid little fox messing them up." What the crap? Fox? Okay, this guy has some weird metaphors going on… Or is it personification? Never mind, I'm confused. Plans? What could that possibly mean…? By Creepy Man's face, I highly doubt that they are plans to throw him a surprise party. 'It's going to be hard staying away from him when I'm going to be living with him, you know.' He hisses. I do a bad thing. I spit in Creepy Man's red rat eyes. He growls, trying to wipe it out with both hands and wa la! I'm free! I run to the door. Shit, he wasn't bluffing, it IS locked. I whimper slightly. Where's a knight in shining armor when you need one? I snicker at my own joke before my hands are grabbed. Creepy Man holds them behind my back, trapping me against him. Dammit! I should have kicked his ass when I had the chance! So much for that idea.

I'm violently pushed against the cold concrete wall, the rough surface scratching against my cheek. I feel a little blood, but not much, entering my mouth. I wince. It hurts. He laughs quietly in my ear. I can't wait to get back to the dorm… I'm going to scrub that ear clean off. "You will stay away from him, or else. I do not care what you have to do. Find another dorm to stay in. Just stay away from him." He rubs himself against me. 'You might wanna get off of me, I throw up easy.' I whisper sarcastically. And then I get shoved harder into the concrete. "I would rather get off on you, fox… Maybe we could… come to an understanding?" Okay, I think I just felt my lunch come up in my throat a little. 'Not on your life!' Stupid move. He turns me around so I'm facing him, still holding my wrists. He could loosen his grip a little. Geez, how unreasonable! 'I am not doing anything with you, I am not moving out of my dorm and I am not, under any circumstances, staying away from Sasuke. So deal with it, Creepy Man.' Holy freaking poo. Naruto Uzumaki, you are such a retard!

I close my eyes against the pain. He kicks me in the stomach, over and over again, over and over. It hurts so bad… I've already fallen over, he has already let go of my wrists. I roll over onto my stomach and curl up, trying to stop the blows. They come one by one, to my head, to my back, everywhere. 'I have things to do, Uzumaki. You would do well to heed my warning.' Creepy Man bends down lick the shell of my ear, which I have failed to cover up. I shudder, closing my eyes and hoping it will go away. Please go away. I hear the door being unlocked, then opening. But I do not hear it closing. Creepy Man is gone, thank heavens. I let out a yelp as I uncurl myself. He got me more than I thought he did. I stand up, barely, my stomach aching. I feel around for anything broken. None. It seems that he kicked light enough to avoid breaking my ribs, but hard enough to hurt. My body is going to be covered in bruises. I feel my head, and my temple is sticky. His stupid boots must have kicked my head pretty hard. Right into the concrete. I wipe the blood off on the palm of my hand. I stagger, leaving the room. Stairs, more stairs… The thought of them makes me nauseous. But I climb them anyway.

It must be an hour later. I open the door to my dorm and walk in, vision blurry with pain and tiredness. I shut it, lock it, not even paying attention to the fact that I have just been threatened and told to move out. I glance at my clock on the table next to the entryway. It's 11. Good thing no one saw me, or I'd be in trouble. I fall over, landing with a loud thump on the floor. I guess I can't make it to the couch. I hear footsteps, and soon I'm staring at black boots. Someone is lifting me up, and they're pretty gentle. A hand touches one of the many bruises on my side, and I whine. Ow. That really hurts. I am such a dumbass. Tough Naruto got his ass kicked because he's got a smart mouth. If only I had stayed quiet, Creepy Man might've just left me alone. But nooo. I'm being carried, and that's about all I can tell. My eyes are closed, and I'm barely aware of what's going on around me. I am being set down on something cold. Water's running, probably in the sink. Bathroom. Someone is gently shaking my shoulders. I lick my lips, becoming more conscious. I taste salt. Everything hurts. I'm an idiot. I open my eyes, hoping it's not a mistake this time.

Warm, dark eyes are staring into my probably cold blue ones. I smile, or try to. This isn't how it's supposed to be. I'm supposed to be warm and friendly, Sasuke is supposed to be cold and superior. 'What…?' I'm confused. My mind is fully awake now, and every nerve is screaming in pain. Damn Creepy Man and his Girl Boots With Monstrous Heels of Doom. "Naruto, what happened?" Sasuke's voice is urgent. I should be staying away from him, right? Oh well. No point in it now. But… He thought I was weak earlier. That's why he tried protecting me from the supposedly 'dangerous' Gaara. I snort, look up at him. 'You're right, bastard, I am weak.' I laugh quietly at myself. He frowns. "You're going to tell me what happened tomorrow. But for now, let's get you cleaned up." He's being nice. This is strange. I must look like hell. My first day here and I've already got an enemy. What the poo is up with that? Sasuke is taking a cloth and running it under water. He wrings it out, and begins wiping off my face. It's warm and wet and feels good. I'm sore.

He gently cleans off the blood from my face and neck, before helping me pull off my shirt. Normally I would have made some perverted comment by now, but I don't think the timing is really right. So I let him baby me. I am weak. But more than that, I'm stupid. I knew that Creepy Man was bigger than me, but I just had to open my equally huge mouth. I've been in enough fights to know to keep my mouth shut when I'm at someone else's advantage. But I was too caught up to take my own advice… I whimper slightly as Sasuke wipes off blood from where the boots kicked so hard they left a few scrapes and one big gash on my chest. He cleans it  
it off, before grabbing a big ass Band-Aid that I wasn't even aware he had gotten out. He places the thick bandage on my gash. I shudder. 'Owww…' He smirks slightly, but it's not snobby. I really don't know what it is. I think… It's nice. Possibly even nicer than Gaara's smirkle.

Sasuke finishes he task of cleaning me up pretty quickly. He applies ointment that kind of burns, then tingles, to my bruises, rubbing it in. This time I can't resist making a silly comment. 'Why, Sasuke, I never knew you were so forward.' He snorts, as if he's too cool to laugh. I frown, and he examines particularly nasty bruise that's already a nice shade of purple and green. By tomorrow, I'll probably be a rainbow. Ha! I laugh at my own joke. I already am a rainbow. He takes off my pants, leaving me in boxers. My legs didn't get much damage, since they were curled up under me. He checks them, but there's only a few scrapes. He leaves momentarily, and the room smells different after he's gone. I like it better when he's in here. Tag smells yummy and makes me want to curl up against him. But I won't, because I have more self restraint that that. After all, I've only known him for one full day. I smile, thinking maybe later on in the year… Once we get to know each other better… I'm blushing, my hentai thoughts taking over. He coughs, standing in the doorway with a raised eyebrow. Oops. I must look like any idiot. Flushed face and a goofy grin. "Here, I grabbed your pajama pants." I don't even have the sense to feel offended that he went through my drawers. I get up, squabbling over to grab them. I just slide them on, too lazy to take off my boxers. Lucky enough, the pants are baggy so it doesn't look really stupid. But then again, I always look really stupid.

He holds his arm out like gentlemen do to girls and I stick my tongue out at him. He smirks slightly, still grabbing my arm and helping me into the bedroom. He looks way better in his pajamas than I do in mine. They're navy blue, with little fans, and he's wearing a snug-fit blue T-shirt. I look silly, shirtless, and clad in bright orange pajama pants with little blue swirls. We climb in. Him on the left, me on the right. So much for using this time to seduce Sasuke.

T h e P e n T a l k  
P A R T 3  
R o o t s O f A F o x g l o v e

I wake up to a white ceiling and the smell of coffee brewing. Well, this is promising. A rush of memories come flooding back to me from last night. Holy crap. I sit up, ignoring the creak in my joints and the protests from my close friends, The Bruises. My hand goes to my head. I've got to be crazy. Well, strike that thought. I am crazy. But… What do I do? Too many questions! I'm dying! Do I stay here with Sasuke? Do I move out and ignore him? Where would I move to? What does Creepy Man have planned for Sasuke? Why does he think I'll interfere with his plans? Why the fuck did he touch me! My ear is burning, now that I think about it. It's probably psychological, though. I have a lot of those kinds of problems. I want to see if the shell of my ear has fallen off from Creepy Man's acidic saliva, but I'm afraid that if I touch it I might get AIDS. Or third world herpes. Or cooties. I get up, leaving the bedroom. I wander into the kitchen. There's a coffee pot, half full, sitting on the small kitchenette countertop. Ah, the feeling of Sunday. My attention is soon captured by the incredibly hot figure sitting on my couch. Ohh, I like this outfit better. A snug black T-shirt that shows off the abs that I know must be beneath it… And skinny jeans that fit in all the right places. I'm tempted to jump him, but I won't. Because I have more self control than that.

Sasuke snaps the book closed and sets it on the small table in front of the couch. He takes a sip of his black coffee and raises an eyebrow at me. "Finally up?" Huh? I turn to look at the clock by the door. It's nearly 10. I usually get up pretty early when I'm in an unfamiliar place. My muscles are sore and everything's bruised, and I guess I just needed a good sleep. I still hurt, but it feels better than it did last night. 'Yeah.' Or shall I say… I feel better because of Sasuke. He was the one who cleaned me up and made sure I went to bed properly. I stumble over and sit on the couch next to him, but then I make a full body turn and cross my legs Indian so I can look at him properly. Because he deserves a good looking. My mouth opens and I speak before I can really think about it. 'Thank you.' He looks at me with a smirk, but I'm smart enough to know that he's surprised. I smile at him. 'For taking care of me, you stupid bastard.' I add on the last part, because I don't want him to think that I'm getting gushy. Except he gets gushy. The stupid hot guy reaches over and screws up my hair. I'm tempted to ask him about Creepy Man, but I don't. Sasuke speaks. "If you go shower and get dressed, we can still make it for breakfast." I nod, nearly running to the bathroom. I trip. 'Owww.' That seems to be my new catch phrase.

I shower quickly and get dressed, making sure to scrub hard at my ear and anywhere else Creepy Man touched me. When I'm done, I feel a lot better, look a lot better, and smell like strawberries. I take the time to snoop around with the kind of shampoo that Sasuke uses. Mmm. It's spicy, like cinnamon. It smells gooood. I shiver slightly, before getting dressed. Since it's still the weekend, I throw on a semi-tight white t-shirt, which is almost see-through. I know it looks good on me, and it contrasts with my tan skin quite nicely. I just throw on some new boxers with little spades all over them and baggy, tan, cargo shorts. I slip on my black Converses and open the door from the bathroom out into the dorm. I must've used more hot water than I had originally thought, because steam immediately floats out. 'Ready!' I call out to Sasuke, walking over to him. He stands, walks over, and sets his now empty coffee mug in the sink. I get the feeling that he's not really hungry, but wants to keep an eye on me. I sigh mentally. Sasuke walks out first, with me about two feet behind him, making sure to lock the dorm and stick the key in one of my many pockets.

I creep closer, catching a whiff of his Tag and cinnamon scent. He stops suddenly, and I run straight into his back. I'm so close, and he smells so good! I snort and snicker and make all other kind of animal sounds, rubbing my face into his T-shirt and inhaling on impulse. At least I do until he turns around with that damned raised eyebrow and superior smirk. I stick my tongue out at him. My expression can't be really threatening. My eyes are half-lidded and still glazed. I kind of fall over on him, and as I expected, he instinctively reaches out to steady me. He's holding my forearms to keep me steady, and once again, I'm dangerously close. And still sniffing. "What are you doing?" His deep voice breaks my concentration and I pull away really fast, trying to look irritated and failing. I'm blushing, I'm sure of it. I cross my arms and look away. 'I was just… uhm… Okay, okay! You smell really good.' I was honestly going to think of any excuse, but it didn't quite work out that way. Sasuke just shakes his head, a small smiley smirk on his lips. Geez! I start walking off of the last step, mumbling to myself as I'm about to enter the cafeteria. 'Geez, what is with all of these guys that smirkle!'

I bump into something really warm and minty. Crap! There I go again, making an idiot of myself. 'They should put me on Jerry Springer, with all of this stupid drama that follows me…!' I'm still mumbling to myself, until the warm and minty thing speaks. "Are you alright? You sound a little frustrated." I look up.

Into the lightest, whitest, weirdest lavender eyes in existence.


	4. The Corner of a Page

T h e P e n T a l k

B a n d i t - W i t h - A - B r o o m

P A R T 4

F r o m T h e C o r n e r O f A P a g e

Summary: This school is more like a funny farm, a loony bin! I thought I was coming here to avoid prison; this place is the exact replica. Now I'm stuck in a hell with group counseling and a really hot cellmate! AU SasuNaru

'_Treasure torn out paper_

_From the corner of a page_

_Measure worn out epigrams_

_For signs of change with age… '_

Holy poo! I express my surprise in quite an intelligent manner, as you can see. What is up with this dude's eyes? I've never seen anything like them. I wonder where he goes to buy those contacts… I want some! Wait, no I don't. Can't you honestly imagine a Naruto Uzumaki with white lavender eyes? Maybe some red ones would look cool… Or gold ones! With slit pupils! Yeah, that'd be pretty fly. Okay, okay, I just went _way _off track again for a second. I circle the Minty Man (Another creative nickname thought up on the spot by yours truly!) and give him an up-and-down. Okay, I give up. He_ looks_ normal. But then again, I've always been taught that normal is a very, very rare thing. Is it like Halloween or something in his country? Where is he from, like…Lavenderabia? Do people usually have creepy (And yet somewhat _sexy_ in a strange kind of way) eyeballs? My eyes stray to his butt. Okay, so he may have scary eyes, but he has the best ass I have ever seen!

I may not know who this guy is, but if asked on the streets, I would totally give him 11 out of 10 on a butt rating. I'm serious. His behind could inspire the _president._ Hell, it inspires **me.** I could write a book on it. …Is it just me or did I just have an entire train of though focused solely on some guy's _butt_ that I have never met? Never met the guy, not the butt, I mean. The Minty Man coughs politely and my eyes are pulled away from the real Statue of Liberty. Because let me tell you, _that_ is liberty, ladies and gentleman. I look up to realize that Minty Man has a raised eyebrow and a somewhat patronizing smirk. 'What, am I not allowed to check you out or something?' The question falls out of my mouth something similar to diarrhea. I mutter a couple of shits and stalk back behind Sasuke. My dear Sasuke, who will not let the Minty Man eat me now that I've hit on him without really meaning to hit on him. For a minute, I kind of even forgot that Sasuke was there.

Naruto Uzumaki, you are a fickle, fickle boy.

Alas, though, I am also an incredibly lucky boy. Despite being thrown into a school for troublesome boys, I am quite pleased to find that most of the boys are flaming hot. I just hope some of them are actually _flaming._ I probably sound horrible right now. I mean, I didn't come here to just evaluate _every_ person that I meet on a Sexy Scale. I just hope that some of them will understand that being gay is a part of who I am. I've been made fun of enough in the past, okay? Having eggs shoved down your pants and then being whooped is not one of the most enjoyable experiences. But at my old schools, that's what happened. If you were gay, you were a fag. I'll have you know, I'm perfectly comfortable with my sexuality, though, and… How did I get on this again?

Okay, so it takes me a few minutes to catch the fact that Minty Man is trying to tell me his name. "Neji Hyuuga." 'What?' "Neji. That's my name." 'Ohhh. I'm Naruto. And this is Sasu-' Neji cuts me off abruptly. "Sasuke Uchiha." Minty Man's voice is cold like icicles, probably purple ones. His eyes are cold too, I think, but it's a little difficult to tell since they're such an insanely light color. I also make a guess that he's glaring. I tread softly out from behind Sasuke, watching the almost palpable tension between them when their eyes connect. "Neji Hyuuga." Sasuke says in an equally sinister voice. It's the kind of voice a mother uses right before she threatens you with grape licorice. It is not a pretty sight… Or sound. I shiver, which I seem to be doing a lot lately. Either I'm always cold or always horny or always scared or always disgusted. I should call myself The Shivering Sack of a Sorry Excuse for a Man.

My brain ponders on the fact that these two obviously know each other. 'Have you guys met before or are you just psychics?' My question sounds a little stupid, I must admit. But I'm curious. Last time I checked, you don't send hate glares of doom at people unless you have a reason to. Then again, this is Sasuke Uchiha and he doesn't really seem like the kind of person to be all hugs and smileys when first encountering a stranger, either. Neji turns to me. "Cousins and bitter enemies. It's nice to meet you, Naruto. Are you new here?" Neji tries to sound pleasant despite the fact that his hated _cousin_ is standing only five feet away from him. 'Yeah, I'm new. Nice to meet you too, Neji, but you don't have to be so formal.' He smiles slightly, the first **real** smile I've seen. Luckily, it contains absolutely no trace of a smirk. If it had, I might've had to hurt myself.

"Oh, but I do. Have to make a good first impression on new students, you know?" That kind of makes me laugh a little. I nod my head, unsure of what else to say. I can practically feel Sasuke fuming behind me, heat and flames and an aura of terribly woeful DEATHDOOMTERROR radiating from his deliciously manly figure. That sounded extremely queer of me, sorry. 'So, are you going to breakfast, or just leaving?' I ask, trying to sound friendly. I guess that in a school like this one, it's good to have lots of friends and a small amount of enemies. But I already have Creepy Man on my ass about staying away from his little brother… I shudder. I don't want to recall that scene until I'm alone and in a proper place to think about it. And I certainly don't plan on informing my new roommate that I'd met his brother. How would one go about that, anyhow? 'Hey, your brother kidnapped me, told me to stay away from you, and then molested me. Any idea as to _why_?' For some reason, I do not think that'd go over well.

Oops, I didn't even realize Neji was talking to me. Want to eat with us? I don't even wait for Neji to answer if he's already eaten or not. Maybe I should intentionally try and piss off Sasuke… Who knows, maybe he'll get mad jealous that I'm flirting with other guys and drag me back to the dorm room and shove me against a wall and have his wicked way with me. I blush. Mm, wouldn't that be nice? Sasuke breaks in before Neji can answer. I sigh, pushing my perverted fantasies to the back corner of my mind. "He is_ not _eating with us. In fact, you're not hanging out with him at all." I frown, turning to Sasuke with a hand on my hip. This is the second person Sasuke has told me not to hang out with. What, is this Neji guy trouble too now? Although I think the jealousy daydream was rather sexy, I know that that is definitely not the reason Sasuke doesn't want me hanging out with people. I growl. He's probably just trying to be an asshole and isolate me.

'You mean he's not sitting with _you_. You know what, Sasuke? I just don't get you. I've known you for a mighty _two_ days and you're already telling me who not to be friends with and what to do. **We're roommates, not friends.** I don't even know if I want to be friends with someone who's as controlling as you're turning out to be. You are _not_ my keeper, okay?' Well, maybe that was a little harsh. I can't help it if this Sasuke guy keeps trying to control who I'm friends, no matter how fine he is. That's just unfair. He's not my freaking mother. Who I choose to associate myself with is absolutely none of his business. Two days is an extremely short amount of time. I don't care if he cleaned me up and helped me out and if he is the hottest guy on the face of this planet. That doesn't give him any right to act as if he's my master, no matter _how_ fun that sounds.

Sasuke's eyes are narrowing at me. I don't see any hurt, but I sure do see a lot of anger. And his eyes were so gorgeous before… I kind of feel bad now for ruining them. Then I remember that I'm angry. "You're right, Uzumaki. Just because we're roommates doesn't mean that I should _look out for you._ Have fun." He spits out at me coldly. I can almost feel my heart shrinking a little bit, being torn up a little. I just did the dumbest thing in the history of existence. Even dumber than when I smarted off to Creepy Man. I said some evil stuff to one of the hottest guys on this earth. The guy that had helped me up and tended to my aches and pains last night. The guy that probably would've been a close friend if I hadn't just acted like an asshole. Maybe Sasuke _was_ trying to look out for me. And maybe I did just make a complete fool out of myself.

I sniff indignantly, trying to sound not-hurt by my own stupidity and what I'd just done. I try and play it cool as Sasuke walks away, but the scent of his Tag is wafting back and hitting me in the face along with the indisputable urge to bawl like some kind of sissy. But I shouldn't be surprised, I **am** a sissy. In fact, I'm most likely the biggest sissy in the history of forever. Neji, who has been silent throughout this entire spat between Sasuke and I, coughs politely. I wonder if he does that often, and if it's like one of those annoying habits people have that start to become your pet peeve. I turn around, steeling my face and making my eyes hard and light. "So are you coming to breakfast, Neji?" He opens his mouth to say something, but closes it just as quickly. "I'm sorry, Naruto, but I've already eaten. I have some business to attend to now, if you'll excuse me." My face drops. He can tell my disappointment, because he looks honestly regretful. I can't tell if he's being sincere or lying about the 'business.' I smile in a fake kind of way, a little downhearted. I just lost my roommate and I probably just scared off another potential friend with my snobbery.

'Aw, okay. I'll catch you later then.' I don't wait for him to apologize or say goodbye or whatever the hell he plans on saying. I just walk into the cafeteria. I stare at the ground as I wait in line for the free breakfast that they serve, because the floor is so much more interesting than my life at this point. I get a muffin. You know the really yummy blueberry kind? The booth invites me over and I kind of sink into my own emptiness. I just totally messed up. I'm going to be living with Sasuke for the rest of my time at this school and I already muddled everything up so bad. He's got to hate me now. Maybe this whole Creepy-Man-commands-you-to-stay-away-from-Sasuke-thing will work out even better than I planned. After all, being roommates doesn't mean we're friends.

T h e P e n T a l k

P A R T 4

F r o m T h e C o r n e r O f A P a g e

It's time to go back to the dorm now. I feel somewhat calmed down after a nice long period of silence. Okay, so maybe calmed down isn't exactly the right word for me to be using in this situation. I feel mad at myself. I feel mad at Sasuke. I feel mad at my toe (Which I stubbed earlier, by the way). I feel mad at the world. I feel mad at Neji. I feel mad at Creepy Man. I feel mad at everything. Except maybe Gaara. Maybe I should just warn him of how much of a jerk I can be in advance.

Maybe this wasn't the best place to come. There's nothing I can do about it now. I rack my head for things to do, but everything just points to heading back to the dorm and apologizing to the bastard. Okay, maybe he's not a bastard, but he's just as much of a jerk as I am! Sasuke may have been looking out for me, but he could've told me stuff in a nicer way instead of _commanding_ a bunch of crap from me. Naruto, stay away from **him.** Naruto, you can't sit **there.** Naruto, yadda yadda is **dangerous.** Naruto, you are weak and puny and girlish and you will get stomped on before the week is over. Guess Sasuke was right about a couple of things. I still fail to see why Sasuke and Gaara don't like each other or why the Smirkling Redhead is dangerous or why I can't sit with Neji or make any friends because he finds them all evil. Am I missing something, or is there really no reason at all?

I'm actually walking up the stairs before I even notice it. My feet move of their own accord, of course. My footsies of minds of their own and do not like to obey me. After all, I could've gone out and seen a movie. I could've tried to find Gaara's dorm again and hung out with him. I could have gone to the record store a street down and looked at music. We're allowed to do that stuff on weekends, so why didn't I? But I didn't and now I'm facing the Black Door and my throat is constricting. I pull out my keys and unlock the room. Oh, it wasn't even locked in the first place. I'm pretty surprised. I guess that I figured Sasuke would've locked me out and left a note on the door saying 'Move out.' Apparently not. Although I'm afraid I'm going to get the worst of it now.

'Um, Sasuke?' My voice is meek as I walk into the living room. He's sitting on the couch, engrossed in the book that I'd seen him reading this morning. The cover is black, so I can't exactly tell what the title is. Sasuke doesn't even look up as I walk in, his lips closed in a thin line but his face looking as nonchalant as ever. I can tell he's really pissed off, though. He kind of reminds me of Pyro from X-Men. He gets all hot and stuff when he's mad and looks like he's about to pull out a Zippo and blow the whole place up. Of course, Sasuke manages to pull off this look without ever even _attempting_. If you were a casual observer, you'd just think he looks normal. But I can tell. I've always had one of those abilities, you know? The ESPN kind. Nah, nah, I'm just pulling your leg. I'm not _really_ stupid enough to call it ESPN. (Despite the fact that that's what I called it all through elementary school when I wanted to sound cool.)

I sit on the couch next to him, avoiding eye contact. Avoiding eye contact is probably a pretty stupid move though, seeing as though I doubt he'd look up anyway. "Sasuke, can you _please_ look at me?" I whine pitifully while peering at him, trying to sound hurt and irritating enough to get him to look. Sasuke does look up, but it's definitely not with humor in his eyes. I kind of drop the puppy eyed thing and make watery fox eyes instead. Creepy Man would approve. I'm fitting his personification (or metaphor, what_ever_.) thing right about now. 'I know you're probably madder than a wet hen at me right now, but I wanna apologize. I didn't mean to imply that you are a controlling, stuck up, obstinate jerk. (Even though you kind of seem like it.) I'm just mad because I don't know _why_ you're so grumpy to everyone I meet. If you don't like them, then don't talk to them. I** want** to be friends with Gaara and Neji. I don't know what all happened between you guys, but don't involve me in this little rivalry.'

I don't think I even said sorry in that entire little speech. I just said that I _wanted_ to apologize. I'm still kind of mad, so I guess that it'll have to do for now. "Whatever." What an articulate response. I frown. 'Don't be like that, teme.' I say, slipping back into my Japanese. The entire school system around here is set up with English, but the schools were originally founded by the Japanese, hence the names. My mom was Japanese, but I got my dad's looks. I'm pretty glad, I guess. I'd look strange with black hair and brown eyes anyway. Okay, just a_ little_ off topic now. But oh well, it doesn't seem like Sasuke is going to grace me with another word of acknowledgement any time soon.

Yep, I've totally screwed myself over.

Nothing new, right?


	5. The Secret's In the Telling

T h e P e n T a l k

B a n d i t - W i t h - A - B r o o m

P A R T 5

T h e S e c r e t' s I n T h e T e l l i n g

Summary: This school is more like a funny farm, a loony bin! I thought I was coming here to avoid prison; this place is the exact replica. Now I'm stuck in a hell with group counseling and a really hot cellmate! AU SasuNaru

'_Our act of defiance_

_We keep this secret in our blood_

_No paper or letters_

_We pass just close enough to touch_

_We love in secret names_

_We hide within our veins_

_The things that keep us bound to one another _

There is a secret that we keep

_I won't sleep if you won't sleep_

_Because tonight may be the last chance we'll be given_

_We are compelled to do what we must do_

_We are compelled to do what we have been forbidden…'_

'Dear Diary (I've reached the peak of my gayness at this moment.),

And the day passes with little to no excitement. I'm scared of what will happen. Does Sasuke hate me now? I find the absolute perfect guy and then suddenly poof! He's gone and it's my entire fault. Well, I guess I can't really say who was to blame, and maybe I'm making a big deal out of something very small, but this is the guy that I will have to spend the rest of my years here _sleeping _with. I personally don't favor waking up with a missing limb or… something else that is extremely important. For all I know, Sasuke might even feel the same way. Maybe I shouldn't have assumed that he wanted to be friends in the first place either. Maybe I shouldn't have had that nose bleed and passed out. I kind of embarrassed myself with that episode a little. He probably thinks I'm a complete and total idiot, which isn't really far from the truth, I'd say. So right now I'm writing in this stupid journal instead of the usual wandering around and/or bothering the Sex God outside on the living room couch. That is not an option right now.

Being on the brink of insanity does absolutely nothing for my situation. I don't even know which situation I'm talking about anymore, really. If I'm not having a problems with Sasuke-teme, then I'm having a problem with Creepy Man and his Girl Boots of Doom. (I just totally lost, by the way.) The thing with Creepy Man is really serious, I think. If he's willing to kidnap me and lock me in the basement, I'm also willing to bet that he'd do other things as well. Is it wrong to be nervous? I'm nervous for Sasuke too, though. Nothing good can come from a time when your older brother has a scary Samara smile and weird plans for you. Just the look in that dude's eyes made me want to poke them out with forks or something. But him being Sasuke's brother causes problems.

I wonder how Sasuke even got into this school. It IS a correctional facility, but Sasuke seems just fine to me. I _want_ to know how he managed to land his royal piece of ass in a run-down joint like a school. It's amazing that I even got into here, because usually I don't even get caught when I'm doing bad stuff. I assured the judge that it was only a one-time thing, but several zeroes would need to be added to the one before I could even come close to telling the truth. What do you think, Diary? I mean Journal? Whatever the hell a bunch of paper is called? Maybe it's called a leaf… God, am I seriously ADD or what? Maybe I should ask Sasuke later. I doubt he'd tell me right now because he's probably still cooling off. I think my little outburst in the cafeteria embarrassed him a little and made him angry at me all at once.

I'm actually thinking about calling Iruka or something, but I don't want to worry him with my teenage angst. I seem to have a lot of that lately, despite being a normally very happy person. I supposed that with insanely hot guys comes great responsibility. Wasn't that what they said in Spiderman? Never mind, I think I've got my stories a little screwed up. You know, I actually got this journal from Lee before I left, as a Christmas gift. Although it being a Christmas gift has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that this notebook is green. I mean, it WAS Lee buying it for me. This is the kid who raves on and on about the wonders of youth and the vibrancy of the color _olive. _I don't know what he expected this journal to do, or what mental disorders he assumed it would help me with, but I can assure you that this entire process of writing down thoughts is a complete waste. I write so incredibly slow that my brain is moving five times faster than my sandpaper hands. Oh well, time for me to blow this popsicle stand. Tootles.'

I sign my name off with a flourish, which makes it just look like a great big sweeping blob of messy black pen and a too-big O. NarutO. I'll most likely call myself that in my journal from now on. I'll have you know that first impressions seem to stick. And I never make very good first impressions, so I'm fresh out of luck. I turn over on the bed, staring up at the lovely ceiling. I wonder what it would be like if I were up there, watching myself stare at watching myself stare. It'd be kinda interesting, don't you think? Oh shit, my cell phone. I hear the defiant voice of Jesse Lacey greet me from my messenger bag on the floor. I get up quickly, not used to getting calls. Well, except for when I had foster parents who liked to call and bitch me out.

"That's very rude, you know. The phone rang at least four times before you got up and answered it." A voice answers in my ear. I shiver. What the hell? Creepy Man suddenly managed to get my phone number, and I have no clue how. Why is he calling? I almost snort. The phone rang _twice_ before I got up and answered up. What a loser. 'What do you want?' I grumble out. I mean, it's not like I really expected him to leave me alone, but… I guess a part of me hoped he would. I've been too caught up in my Sasuke business to really get down to thinking about what I should do. "Rumor has it that you and Sasuke have had a fight. How sentimental. I strongly suggest you keep it this way, fox. The closer you get to him, the closer you get to something **else**." I'm met with the damn dial tone a second later.

Dude, I have no _freaking_ clue what _that_ was all about. Get closer to something else? Like what? Is he gonna throw a twinkie at me or something? Geez, I have major mood swings. I'm like a twelve year old girl on her period. Pretty sad, huh? One minute I'm the bravest kid on the block, and the next I'm beaten up. Then I kinda switch back and forth at the worst moments. I sigh. I know what I'm getting myself into; at least, I think I know what I'm getting myself into. I've been in way too many gang fights to not get the gist when someone is threatening to kick my ass. But I've threatened people a couple of times, as well, I must say. Never kicked any asses before, though… I laugh at myself sheepishly.

The Great Naruto Uzumaki brags about being the ultimate fighter, but he's never fought back. Not that anyone else knows that, and I intend to keep it that way. What's the point in breaking someone's nose if they break yours? I've been a monster since that day at Konoha Park, and I'll never let it happen again. I won't give them a reason to hate me. I won't lower myself to the expectations they've built for me. They can think they've got me all figured out, like some kinda book, but I'll always know the real truth. Eh, pretty depressing thoughts for a high schooler, ne? Maybe I'll just turn emo and call it a day. Nah, I guess not. I don't wanna be emo, it'd make me too moody. Look at Gaara, for example. He's kind of like an Emo Kid in Disguise. He's lucky that I find emo kids extremely adorable (moodiness aside), mind you.

In fact, why don't I go visit Gaara right now? I might as well, seeing as how there's nothing else to do. Besides thinking up a genius plan to keep Creepy Man away from me… I get sidetracked so easily. I stop stretching for a minute, weighing out my options. Go to Gaara's, feel nestled in a nice little bundle of love (At least I feel safe around him, despite only knowing the guy for a wholesome couple of days), or sit here and brainstorm up some contacts that might be willing to find out some info on that Creepy Man for me. Hm… Although the decision is tough and the battle between the two takes me a few minutes, I decide on heading to Gaara's. Well, geez, did you actually think I'd do the other? Screw Creepy Man and Sasuke and Minty Man and everything else. I'm going to Gaara's, fuckit. Ehehe. I made a funny. Gaara's, fuckit. Gaara, please fuck it. Gaara, fuck that shit HARDER. Oh em gee. Could I be any more lame? I'm leaving now.

I get up, not too terrible charmed with the fact that although I may not want to, I will have to face Sasuke eventually. I can't he'll stay silent at me forever. I'd better make amends, but I'll give him a little time to cool off first. Okay, make that lots of time. I'd like to keep all of my limbs intact, please. I just slip my cell phone in one of my pockets, glad to have so many of them at this point. They come in handy. I might as well take the phone anyway, just in case Creepy Man decides to call me back and I have to bitch him out. I leave the room, making sure that I have a key and the phone again and my Hello Kitty good luck charm. Shut up.

I breeze past Sasuke, who is now practically finished with that book of his. Geez, that damn boy has been sitting in the same position for more than an hour and a half. It is a pretty big book though. I try and ignore his cold, calculating dark eyes on the back of my head as I leave. As soon as I'm out, I slump against the Black Door, attempting to regain my breath since I'd obviously been holding it. I stalk to Gaara's apartment, having written down the number on my palm earlier because it popped into my head and I didn't wanna forget. The blue ink is smeary from all of this damn shit happening me. I reminded myself to take a nice, long shower once I got back. I came to Gaara's door, an eerie red color. Why was it that all of the guys I meet have weirdly colored dorm doors? Ours is the Black Door. Gaara's is the Red Door. What next, I wonder?

I knock on it, shivering slightly. His hallway is freezing, and there are windows open that show a view across the school campus. His door is on the very edge of a large square, his hallway looking more like a balcony to me with all of the large glass windows. I wrap my arms tighter around myself, and green eyes suddenly meet mine. Your eyes are so pretty. I've kind of missed talking to someone who's not an ass. I haven't seen you in a while. Gaara gives me a smirkle, and I huff a little. He opens the door wider, allowing me to come in. My eyes glance around the room that is practically identical to mine; only everything is in cream and red colors. Does everyone get to pick the freaking colors or something? It seems like everything is coordinating. The door matches the décor. (I rhymed!) I plop down on Gaara's comfortable couch, insanely enjoying the fact that my new friend has a single room.

Not that I really want one, though. Sasuke seems like a really awesome guy, but extremely pissy. Something warm hits me in the face, and I notice that it's a sweatshirt of some sort. I throw it on over my head, the deep maroon thing being at least two sizes too big on me. But wowzers, the inside is soft and fuzzy and the entire thing smells _really_ good. Kind of like the inside of Hollister. Woah, mini orgasm right there. It somehow describes Gaara, I guess, although the guy would prolly rather slit his wrists and black his eyes before taking a step into a store like that. I snuggle into it. 'Gaara, you are my new best friend, man. I was freezing my butt off in that hallway.' He sits down next to me, and I lean over just a fraction. What? Body heat was meant to be shared too, right?

"You're welcome." Gaara states simply in an amused voice. I smile contentedly, practically purring like some kind of big cat. The sweatshirt warms me up to a perfectly acceptable temperature pretty quick, and for that I am freaking grateful. "What brings you here, Uzumaki?" I open one blue eye in Gaara's direction before opening both. 'Naruto.' He raises an eyebrow. Why is everyone so formal here? I'm still not getting it. Were we all supposed to take etiquette classes or something? '_Please_ call me Naruto. I mean, we're friends now, right?' I know that Gaara will say yes. He's the one who told me that the two of us would be close. I hope he's right. I kinda like his quietness, it makes me feel comfortable. "Alright." I smile in a way that I know makes me look good.

My smile falls as a question plagues me. Why is _Gaara_ here, anyway? He seems like an okay guy. In fact, why are _all_ of them here? Sasuke, Neji, and Gaara? Why am _I _here? Oh, wait, that's a question I can actually answer for once. But… Should I even ask Gaara how he came to this freaking prison? Would I be prying too much? I want Gaara as a friend, and asking him what kind of crime he committed to get into a school for troublesome boys doesn't exactly seem like the best way to secure a bond. It does seem like something I should know, as a friend, though, and I really am curious. I furrow my brows, and Gaara raises one eyebrow bone. Maybe I should ask him why he doesn't have eyebrows either. I mean, it looks as though he never did. How many people do you know who have hairless brow bones without _any_ little stubble of eyebrows they've shaved off? Case closed, jury adjourned, class dismissed and what not.

'Gaara…' My voice is hesitant. But I guess that it has to be. I don't think Gaara would react very prettily to being asked 'Yo, Gaara, what the fuck did you do to end up rotting here like some kind of criminal?' I take his silence as encouragement to go on, although the guy is pretty much silent altogether. '…Why are you here? This school, I mean. What could you have possibly done that was so terrible?' I look at him, my eyes downcast and questioning.

"They think that I murdered my father."

His smooth voice fills my ears, and my head automatically jerks up slightly to gawk at him in disbelief. They think what? Why? My mind is suddenly buzzing. Maybe I shouldn't have asked him. He doesn't look too terribly concerned, but for all I know, it might be a really touchy subject. My tongue swells a little in my mouth. I can't really say anything. I mean, what can you say to that? The words run over and over in my head. Wait. They _think_ that he murdered his father. Does that mean they know for sure or if it's still a mystery? '**_Did_** you… do it?'

Gaara's eyes meet mine. They are emerald, so light that it looks as if there is no pupil. There is only a ring of green, surrounded by the blackness that, right now, looks too real to be make-up. His lips crack upward in a smile. It looks so strange on him, so empty. Almost as if his entire face isn't real. The smile is a fake façade of grainy plaster, one that is as bitter and unrelenting as a case of the typhoid fever.

"Of course." My tongue drops down next to my heart. My heart falls into my stomach. My stomach, naturally, feels like it's going to fall out my butt.


	6. Electroshock

T h e P e n T a l k

B a n d i t - W i t h - A - B r o o m

P A R T 6

E L E C T R O S H O C K

Summary: This school is more like a funny farm, a loony bin! I thought I was coming here to avoid prison; this place is the exact replica. Now I'm stuck in a hell with group counseling and a really hot cellmate! AU SasuNaru

"_I said 'sweat, sweat,'cause I'm a poisonous pill._

_Pop me in your mouth baby, sit and be still._

_Not yet, I ain't through wit' you girl,_

_Put me in your glass baby, give me a swirl!'"_

The next five minutes seem to be a continuous "What the fuck?" I shudder, my breaths coming in shallow pants. So I'm sitting next to a murderer? This lovely, greenie-eyed smirkling little raccoon is a murderer? Well… I inhale. A cold sort of feeling passes over me, and I start shivering, unconsciously curling in closer to Gaara's hoodie. Although shocked and a little alarmed, surprisingly enough, there isn't a single part of me that doesn't feel safe, or protected even. I know you won't hurt me. You can't.

Looking at you, it's like I'll never need to worry. You are safety. Somehow, you are _me_. In this second, I realize that Gaara's situation is absolutely no different than mine. I was (am) accused of slaughtering my parents, on top of all other kinds of crazy shit I've pulled. Konoha Park… The only slight contrast between us is that one of us is guilty and it isn't me. What could that man have done for you to bear such hatred? There is something soulful, sarcastic, wounded about the look we share. Your eyes are a little pleading, a little degrading, and I know you're hiding things because you are covering up your fear with nonchalance. You want me to like you.

I blink. Again. Again. Again. Fuck, when did I get so compassionate that I cry so easily?! Stupid NarutO. You're always being a big baby. Someone should get you a damn diaper. I look down, before coming to the conclusion that Gaara must be waiting for some sort of a response. What do I say to this? Leaning forward, I reach tender arms around his neck, pulling him into a hug that I am almost positive is his first. 'It's okay.' That's really all I can say—whether I'm trying to comfort him or myself isn't discernable. Oh man, look at these deep thoughts. When did a fucktard like me get so deep? Where the hell am I pulling all this crap from?

I am pulled from my imbecillic (—you like that, don't you?) thoughts when your arms snake around my waist, and it takes a couple of minutes for me to get the fact that you're hugging me back. Although whether this is because it's so unbelievable or because I'm just stupid, I'll never know. I sigh. You chuckle, and it's a creepy sort of sound that makes me shiver with fear and yet sort of tingle pleasantly. Awwwkward. I pull back, smacking you on the arm lightly. 'What the hell are you laughing at? I'm trying to have a sentimental moment here and you start giggling like a schoolboy.' I grumble, puffing my cheeks in a pout to lighten up the situation some more.

Gaara's arms are still around my waist. Gaara's. Yours. I look down, marveling at them as if they're a rare foreign elephant that just so happened to end up on my side of the jungle. Wait. Okay. If I come up with anymore freaking retarded similies, just smack me in my fucking face, mmkay? I swear, I must be getting dumber by the moment. You pull those arms back and I belatedly (as always) concur that my cellular device is vibrating through my pocket against my gonads. Lovely. The ringtone I set for Saucegay begins to play, but I don't recall adding in his number. Or setting this song. But then again, I do many things in my everyday foggy stupor.

"_I'm jealous of your cigarette,  
And all the things you do with it!  
I'm jealous of your cigarette,  
And how you wanna suck on it…  
And not meeeee!  
All this time you're talking noo-oo-oo…"_

Of course, I have to pick up. I mean, honest to (insert deity of choice here), what else is a girl to do? Whoops! Did I say girl? I actually meant boy. Really. Because I am a boy. With my cherry lips and golden curls… MUST STOP QUOTING GARBAGE! Damn songs making me think I'm a woman. Brainwashing me. Although I'm pretty sure I'd rather have a vagina than this hunkajunk between my legs. That way, when I walk in on Sasuke sometime when he's bare-assed, I don't pop a boner and alert the press that I would really, **really**, _please_ Oh Heavenly Father (funny that I'm asking him for such a request, huh?), like it if he would throw me on the floor and ravish me.

Goddammit, what was I doing again?

Oh yeeezzzz, answering the phone. I flip it open, answering with a casual, 'Yello?' I am trying not to sound too flustered, but I mean, c'mon. Put yourselves in my shoes. First Sasuke and I are fighting, then I find out Gaara is a murderer, then I'm having a cutesy ass LadyBug Moment with Mr. I Kill Dead People (redundant), and now my boo boo bear with an attitude problem is probably calling to chew my butt out, which I really don't like the sound of. Now, if he weren't _chewing_, persay, I might have a different opinion. Oh, dude. My bad. I'm supposed to keep it PG-13, right? For all the little men I'm narrating my life to inside my head? Yeah?

"Where are you?" Shittt. He doesn't sound happy. I check my watch. It's been about… 2 hours? Since I got here. I doubletake. TWO HOURS?! That cuddly touchy feely crap must have taken a lot longer than I thought. Gaara's probably sick of my ass by now, what with my pestering him about his ancient, mysterious past and whatnot. I spare him a glance. He's sort of occupied with picking at some suspicious red substance under his fingernails. Good.

'Uhh… I'm… at a friend's.'

"Which friend's?"

I laugh sheepishly. 'Well, yanno Sasuke, it's kind of a funny story… You see, I got lost wandering the halls and guess who happened to find me? Gaara! What a coincidence, huh? Isn't it great that our school-slash-prison is filled with such hospitable folks that they take in stray puppies like myself? It's actually quite nice, hehe…' I trail off. Well, if that isn't the most asinine speech I have ever made in my entire life, then nothing else is. Hospitable folks? Gaara? The two shouldn't even be in the same dictionary.

Looking at Gaara, I see that he has finished his routine cleaning of the blood (come on, we all knew it was blood) under his nails and is looking at me with a sort of detached humor that makes me feel like both a dead squirrel and a queen all at once. It's really not a great feeling, but I am just oh so overjoyed that he is getting in a good smirkle at my expense. "Oh really? Well, why don't you ask _Gaara _(at this point I am sensing some animosity) if he can give you directions back to _our _place, okay dollface?"

Did Sasuke Uchiha really just call me dollface? Oh hell, it's all in good fun. Now, if he said that and I couldn't detect the sarcasm in his voice, I might have shit my pants. But I know that he was just kidding. Yep. I decide to humor him with a cute little nickname of my own, 'Alright, Sunshine Happy Rainbow Cake! Be home faster than you can say "Sora is gay for Riku!"' With that, I hang up my phone. I am almost positive Sasuke won't get the reference. He doesn't quite strike me as the type to be playing any videogames. Bastard.

I turn to Gaara, who still looks bemused. 'Well, Gaara, this little heart-to-heart has been real swell, but Momma wants me home so I'm afraid I'm going to have to bid you adieu…' Then the absolute most shocking thing ever is occurring and there are lips on mine and what the hell when did that tongue get there oh—OH! WOW! YEAH! Okay, you are pulling away now… There is a string of saliva connecting us. Awwwkward. I'm not really coherent enough so I sort of miss my mouth when I wipe at it, but with a few tries I get the pesky little shit. CONSTANT VIGILANCE! 'Uhm, that was nice. Thank you. Uhhh, bye now!'

Then I fucking dipset all to hell.

My mind is pretty much blank right now. How could Gaara have kissed me?! Why are all the people here so emotionally disturbed?! Raccoon boy and I go from having a lovely, heartfelt moment about Gaara's killer complex and then Saucegay calls and then my mouth is being pleasantly ravaged… You know, all of this is really straining on a poor, delicate thing like me. After all, a newborn lamb such as myself should be treated like the finest porcelain. /cough. Bullshit!

I wander on back to the Black Door, still contemplating Gaara's actions. Everything is so confusing, I'm not sure what to think. I press a hand to my lips. Blink. I can't tell which way is up or down, left or right. Gaara must be a damn good kisser because I'm at a loss for words (a rare occasion that should be enacted as a national holiday) and my thoughts are in a jumble. I only met him a few days ago. Barely a few days ago. I knew we would be close, he knew we would be close, and damn, did we get pretty close just now!

It's time to push those thoughts to the back of your head, NarutO. You're about to head into the lion's den! And believe you me when I say that Sasuke Uchiha is like a lion, baby. All dominance and arrogance and yet so deliciously beautiful. Mmmm. Hold up! I just got kissed by Gaara and already I'm oogling Sasuke in my mind, who I'm supposed to be in an argument with. Am I really so fickle? I mean, when I told myself to push those thoughts away I wasn't actually expecting to forget them in a giant span of 3 seconds. Damn, just like a goldfish.

Well, you know what? I may be a failure but I wouldn't have it any other way.

The Black Door opens before I can even lift a finger and I'm staring into the most beautiful dark eyes. Your face is only a few inches away from mine, and I can feel your spearmint-breath graze my cheek as you exhale, your lip tilting up and to the left in what almost looks like it could pass as a smile. It only makes my smile tens of thousands times brighter.

"Welcome home, kid." I choose to ignore the kid comment, while simulatneously (threw in a big word for ya there, huh?) noticing that Sasuke is in a much better mood than he was two hours ago. Musta been that new nickname I gave him on the phone that cheered him up so much. 'Thanks.' I suddenly feel a tiny twinge of guilt for arguing with him. While I don't like that he acted controlling, he was just trying to help. It's rare that I meet someone so protective of me. Usually it's me protecting myself.

He shuffles in. I follow, belatedly realizing that I'm still wearing Gaara's hoodie. Not waiting for Sasuke to say anything, I waddle into our bedroom, chuck the hoodie and my T-shirt (I don't feel right being near Sasuke when I know I'm covered in Gaara germs) and change into a fresh black tee. I waddle back out, and unsurprisingly he's on the couch, flipping through channels before coming to a rest on Iron Chef. I move to stand in front of him, taking away the remote and shutting off the TV instead.

Now, you might be thinking, "_Do you want to get your ass beat?_" And the answer is most definitely no. Alas, there is method to my madness. I squat down in front of Sasuke, looking up at him, making sure our eyes lock before I start talking. 'I'm sorry about freaking out on you. You just wanted make sure that I make the right friends and I sort of took it the wrong way. I know you have the best of intentions, but I like Gaara and Neji. And I don't want you thinking you can control me, or that I'm weak, despite the other night… I am perfectly capable of handling myself (sometimes), but it's really sweet of you to wanna look out for me. So forgive me?'

I lean my chin on his knee, looking up at him with my **bestest** watery fox eyes. Dammit, this time it better work! I'm still in slight disbelief that it failed me last time… But Sasuke's eyes do lighten considerably. Ah, the beauty of success. I have melted the heart of the ice prince; my work here is done. He suddenly pulls me up, and I am pleasantly (definitely pleasantly) surprised to find myself in his lap. His arms close around me, and I snuggle as manly as possible into his warm arms. "I'm sorry you're such an idiot that you can't see what I do, but I'm sure you'll realize it eventually. And until then, I am here to protect your weak ass and make sure those two fools don't do something stupid."

I'm about to pull away and smack him in the face, but the look in his eyes tells me he's joking. Partially. A strong, pale hand grips my chin, making sure there is absolutely no misunderstanding between us. "And if either one of them does do something, you _will_ tell me. After that, I make no promises about whether or not they shall continue to live beyond that day, alright?" I smile slightly. Once I get past the fact that Sasuke is acting like an overprotective boyfriend, it's kinda cute.

I know there has to be something adorable about me right at this moment, because Sasuke looks pretty hypnotized. I'm in a daze myself, who wouldn't be with such a fucking gorgeous face so close? My eyes travel down to his lips, and I'm suddenly imaging him tonguing a path along my neck and I find myself very, very pleased. Sasuke's eyes darken, and suddenly my lips are being crushed for the second time today. The SECOND! All of these goddamn hotties kissing me for no apparent reason…

_NNNnnnn. _Shit. Sasuke slides his tongue across my lips, and I open them obediently. This is definitely one area where I don't mind him taking the lead. He nips my upper lip, his tongue grazing my teeth and his flavor explodes across my palate. Sasuke tastes like spearmint and something stormy. It's pretty much delicious. I kiss back with a ferocity I have no recollection of possessing, sliding my sandpaper hands into silky dark hair. His hands creep along the hem of my shorts, and I press closer instinctively. We're engaging in a tongue duel and it's so good when his fingers dance across my belly and…

Well, shit. I've popped a fucking woody.


End file.
